We got into Vienna 40 minutes late, and so was expecting to miss the train to Belgrade…particularly given my embarassing lack of German knowledge, beyond the ability to say my name and count to ten.

We are, however, in the midst of the European Cup in this city, and so, despite the lack of England and its wags this year, there were English signs everywhere. On top of that, literally on the otherside of the platform was the service to Beograd where I’ll be spending the next 12 hours and getting acquainted with Eastern Europe proper. Bingo. With half an hour to spare, I grabbed a drink from the ticket hall, pointing nervously at a bottle of San Pelegrino and Coke…the bastard replied in English.

Why must the English continue to humiliate ourselves as the linguistic retards of Europe? I resolved to get out my Serbian phrasebook and get to work. Govorite li Engleski-  ‘Do you speak English?’…a phrase that will maintain my dignity for the next three days.

The train isn’t a tin can yet- still much nicer than the slam-door jobbies that ran in England until a few years ago. But nonetheless, I’m starting to get excited. More chrome, marbled fiberglass and mould-pattern fabric on this one, and the hairstyles of older people are changing too. A sure sign, I think, that we’re entering Eastern Europe proper- a place still different to our own.

The crossing into Hungary comes at about 45 minutes after leaving Vienna, and its at this stage that the image many people- particularly Americans have of Europe- goes put the window. On either side of the track, are wide, open plains, miles of scrub land and open sky, interspersed with rusty fence poles and barbed wire, and the occasional windmill. Not forgetting that bison once roamed Poland, it’s perhaps easier to see how 100 years ago, Hungarian, Slovak and Austrians were enticed to the Mid-Western United States.

Europe has big, open wilderness of its own- just in less quantity, with the promise of all that open range somewhat muted by a longer, and even dirtier history of human settlement. After all, a Tesco has just rolled by,